The Realm of Royalty

Many said that I wasn't like this before this. Many said that my laughter was often heard ringing thruout. Many said that my smiles were reflected in my eyes.

Now,

Many said that my eyes are wondering away. Many said that I give random answers as the mind leaves the body. Many said that I'm easily affected. Many said that I'm keeping more things to myself.

is it really true?

I dunno. But I do feel a change in myself somehow.

Growing up has never been the easiest thing. Too many things faced along the way. Life has never been a bed of roses even though people think otherwise when they look at me. Putting on a mask of joy and laughter has always been the easiest way out.

No questions. No looks of sympathy. No worries. No need for an answer. 

But I think that I've always managed to keep that mask... Only that now, people know me better.

Life plays the meanest jokes on you sometimes. And yet, its hope and faith that allows you to hold on. I've been down and maybe affected by the words that were exchanged. I've never felt like that before and then I know. I love someone. I am in love. And I love that someone, most probably more than I love myself. 

That is how much I've learnt to love. And yet, this love was taught by that same person. Such an irony isn't it? The girl who proclaimed that she'd never love. That she'd never be in a relationship. That she'd never fall for someone so hard... Is currently facing the opposite of everything that she has said so far. 

They always say never say never. lol! I laugh at my life sometimes when I look back at it. 

Its like a soap opera isn't it? Found the perfect match and yet torn by everything else. And then I wondered why god allowed me to love him so much and yet it is that one thing that is the cause of the uncertainty between us? Does he have other plans for me? Him? Us? Are all of these a test of faith?

And I know that if anything goes wrong with this and I lose the one person I have grown to love so much. Accepting his flaws, idiocy and weaknesses. I know, I'll never be able to love the way I did ever again. 

Its sad isn't it? But that's how life is. Its unpredictable. Uncertain. And yet, Hope is the one thing you hold on too and time is the one thing you know that will bring the solution. And you look back and you look deep within. And you know. Love renew your faith, your hope and your believe.

And it is also that one thing that manage to shelter the flickering flame thats darkness is threatening to devour. Uncertainty takes over and fear creeps in. But then, you have faith in you, in him, in us and in both your love and you know you'll be strong to overcome the obstacles that life has thrown your way. 

I never knew how strong love could be, till I entered into this. 

I'm bored shitless and suddenly i find myself at my livejournal account after posting an entry at blogger. 

I've been looking at pics for the past few weeks and seriously i am bored beyond words... I have editted like i've never edit before and i even have the time to do all kinda things to the pics.

I sleep late only to wake up early and then there are times that i go out there are times that i go fencing.. there are times that i'm just like wat i am today. 

BORED.

As weird as it sounds, i am actually enjoying myself. Its not often that one can actually be bored and stay bored. lol! 

I'm a abnormal human... maybe?

and looking deeper within you will realise that there's more in my mind than what it is that i allow other to see.

The only down side of being bored is when you allowed your mind to wonder beyond the normal average horizons. Where it slides into the deepest corners and bring out your worst fears and greatest desires. You'll stare into space for sometime before you actually snap back into reality and realise. You've been daydreaming.

One can daydream about many things no? But dreams are just dreams. No matter how much i love dreaming of a great future with the one love i have... but deep down within, fear is brewing. 

I suppose it is human nature to fear the unknown... to avoid the uncertain... and to stay away from the uncontrollable. but is there a way to overcome such things? 

Where fears will be fears but you know.. like every fear, once faced, it disappears and you know.. that is one battle down and many more to go. lol!  

And one of the greatest battles, known to mankind... will be.. 

LOVE.

One wonders will they ever find a love so great that will overcome all challenges. One wonders will love stand and last through the test of time. One wonders will love be the one to change the course of nature.

One definitely wonders. WIll love change one's perception if one constantly believes that nothing good ever lasts?

And then... One continues wondering all over again.

Welcome to my world.

Feel free to look around, even though there's nthing much here.

Who knows what i will post here one day?

*shrugs*